I don't know much

I just thought, that since some deep thought has cropped up in my otherwise impervious-to-emotions mind, I might as well pen it. You see I just want to talk, not quite sure about what. It's just that sometimes in life, when things get real, it just can bring a whole new experience of feelings you never knew would work that way. I understand a smile and a frown, I can figure out what we've come to make the definition of happy and gloomy, but.....I think that's just our key- hole. When you begin to look at certain other people in your life, you see how when the biggest sadness-es of all begin to dawn, everything can break down so easily, all meaning, all defintion. And in that rather important weak moment, time does really cease to exist. What I fear to contemplate is what my own situation would be when, God-forbid (though he'll cave in sometime), a similar havoc havocs. The biggest problem is that I can't choose not to face it, because all that would mean is lurking beneath darkness. And that's not good. But here's the music - Even though we may retain the sense of it not being good, it is all that we can do, lurk, in the answer to something that darn big, of that magnitude and gravity, that unleashes itself. And I call it an answer because there's nothing else I can call it. It's an answer to God's ways, and I hate both - God's ways of torment and our ways of un-faced answers. It just amazes me that the power above, with the big guy, is so huge. It can destroy so easily. It can completely, like a efficient vacuum cleaner, suck up all the life out of you, even though it was someone else's life that got jiffed.