Can't fix...can''t replace

SOmetimes it very happens that you want to kill yorself. Like I do now. Mainly because I screwed up something I should not have, and I well, pretty much can't sink and believe that I could be that damn shitty. Not a great feeling, that's for sure...But then I begin to try and figure out as to what can be done now. And the fact that pretty much nothing ban be done anymore to make it right, does reconcile me to my die-thoughts. It sucks really, to have that feeling. Whether it's an examination, that you could ace but instead ended up losing everythin, or wheher it is life in general. I've learnt that the only reason those kinda things happen, are to make sure we don't go wrong again. I mean, it pricks your conscience and you feel like crap. You feel guilty, and other people feel disappointed. But that disappointment is nothing compared to the pain and sheer grief, the fact that you let yourself down, gives you.
Some people say that don't take things to your heart. They tell you to take it easy, and let it go. And I pretty much too think, that letting it go is after all what is best, of course with the lesson well gripped. But really, how do you let go of something that you feel really bad over that you did. I think the best way is to understand that we people are too insignificant. The things that happen in the days of our lives are of a transitory nature, and it all really melts down to 'what is going to happen, shall happen.....but you sure as hell can srcipt your own little world too'
Now where does the heavily guilty part fit into ? I don't know. I guess sometimes, it's best to think that stuff happens for a reason. Guilt for doing something wrong isn't required, it holds you back...learning from that shit-hole expereience is, on the other hand, quite desirable, and very much useful. I mean, son, you're not gonna be able to go back in time and freaking make it right again, but you might as well not look back at it and feel pathetic either. Think of it as a cab ride, pay for the heapy-mistake-ride with your inexpereince-money, lose it and give it to the fate-driver, and keep the lesson-change for yourself.