We're Indians, and proud to be, the reason though, remains a mystery. Unless, of course, we begin banking on the rich culture and traditions that are all but lost now. A portrait of India, will most certainly involve dilapidated roads and a profile of our beloved nation is incomplete without the mention of the ultra-efficient government.
Yet...yet...do note that there is a yet...there is something, something that we notice everyday, something that's the very heart of the Indian life, something that defines the very India in which we live, something that's the root cause of the unfathomabilion problems we cry about, something that yet....goes unnoticed.
That "something" my friends, is we, our mental attitude, our lifestyle, our habits, or anything remotely associated with us.
I'd call that mindset "Commandments of Indian Life". Picture this.
1. Okay. You're travelling, who doesn't have to ? There's a banana in your hand, it gets over. No good thing is there to stay. You're still travelling. Where does the peel go ? Of course, outside, the roads, our very own roads. They're built with out money, it's our birthright to litter on them. Go, India. Ok, let's say that a few did have a conscience, they didn't litter the roads. They find a spot, some place which already has a heap, so there goes the banana. The molehill slowly becomes a mountain, an Indian Signature.
2. Now you've stopped. You travel to stop sometime. Where does the vehicle go ? Of course, in the center of the road. After all, we built it. F*** everyone who has a problem. Who'll call us a true Indian if we don't screw the traffic management.
3. Now let's rewind. You're planning to go out. There's a Sumo, capacity-driver + 2 co-passengers, and 3 each on the other two seats. That brings the total to 9. But we surely can fit in 12-13. 3 can easily make way for 4. Similarly, squeeze in the front and the rear. Presto, you've got 12 sitting. Now Bunty can sit in Momma's lap and Shunty can sit in Grandma's lap. That gives 14, the magic of Indian arrangement.
4. Now' let's go to traffic lights. As a kid, I always used to wonder why we're told to cross the roads on Zebra crossings, and what would prevent a driver from hitting us on one of those crossings. A while ago, I was told that when the light goes red, drivers are supposed to stop before the zebra crossing, and that's when a pedestrian can easily cross. But that'd be a dream come true in India. It's been a few years since I've seen a situation when no one jumped a light. Even if they don't, stopping before the zebra crossing is the last thing on their mind. Any day, observer carefully, motorists will be sprawling over the crossing, and the more adventurous ones will have already covered half the distance towards the next road. Why don't you move on as well ?
5. Then there's the timer. When it reaches 5 seconds, motorists will slowly begin moving towards the next road or will have already crossed it by the time. Why did you wait for 25 seconds if you had to jump the signal ?
6. And then there's the tendency of breaking rules. Indians simply cannot live without that. One won't be surprised if he hears the converstation "Hey buddy, there's this new law out, let's break it".
7. If you see a stranger, he'll be conpletely stone-faced until a friend or a relative calls him and he has to wear a fake smile and laugh in a manner that puts Navjot Sidhu to shame. I mean, does it hurt to keep a calm and relaxed attitude instead of staring at people as if they were the killers of your only son.
8. Now imagine you've got a call on your cellphone. The most persistant tendency is to go to roof or get to the road and speak loud enough to let people know what that person did to you, where is that person's wife's uncle going on summer vacations, or simply to show he receives phone calls. Why can't you keep your converstations to yourselves ?
I'd have written a few more "commandments", but unfortunately, my stomach's rumbling, so I'll have to take your leave. So get a phone, go on the roof and scream loudly for we're Indians, in spirit, blood and soul.
